The Human Turtle visits Suna
by OxVanillaPeachesxO
Summary: Kameko is your average shy girl, always getting perverted looks from boys, hiding in herself, until she meets a certain Kazekage. Who knew a turtle could find humor, especially in SUNA! Rated T for content. Flames are accepted, but are not read. xD


**Me: Otay...now you all remember Kaiku from Precious? Well, this is her EXACT opposite, Kameko! So grab a beer (or, if you're a minor, a juicebox), kick your feet up and read away, my fellow readers! Comments are wonderful, but flames will be accepted with warm and loving arms and later discarded in a nearby elephant's butthole (to save the environment, you know?)**

* * *

I walked semi-lazily through the vast desert, scanning the endless, golden sea for any sign of Sunagakure, and I took a sip from my water bottle. The map Lady Tsunade gave me was really helping with my success (Ok, make that it did all the work), and I spotted the village twenty minutes later, so I broke out into a full-on sprint in joy. Finally! Some civilization!

As I entered The Village Hidden in the Sand, I noticed that it wasn't really like Konoha at _all. _Some streets were bustling with people and tourists, and some were totally empty, like a mini ghost town. The variety interested me, and I walked calmly on.

I began to notice that a lot of boys were staring at me in a way that made me even more self-conscious than I already was. You can ask anyone who knows me; I'm so shy, you'd probably think I was a scared turtle. Which is why everyone calls me Turtle, because I hide in my hair like it's a shell.

Anyways, I turned into the Human Turtle and shuffled towards what I thought was the Kazekage's office or whatever it was. All of a sudden, a rough hand clamped onto my arm and spun me around so quickly I almost tripped. I looked up and found myself glancing at a middle-aged man who looked like he hadn't shaved in months and reeked of alcohol.

"Hey cutie," he slurred into my face, and I turned away to gulp some fresh air. "Wanna come to my apartment? You look like a wild--"

The drunk never got to finish his sentence, because a fist connected with his jaw and I twirled out of his grasp, doing a couple backflips for distance. Either I was hallucinating from the heat, or he was just socked.

I straightened up from my fighting stance and looked at my savior. He was tall, lean, but _boy _did he have pecks. His red hair was blowing slightly in the breeze, and his emotionless cyan eyes were staring me down.

I recognized him immediately as the Kazekage of Suna, Sabaku no Gaara.

I bowed nervously and began stuttering thanks. "T-Thank y-you very much, K-K-Kazekage-sama."

He showed no emotion. "It was nothing. My duty, actually."

The way Gaara said it made me giggle slightly, and I slapped my hand over my mouth to stop the laughter. I pulled an envelope out of my backpack and handed it to the Kazekage, bowing slightly. "Lady T-Tsunade has a request for you."

He took it from my shaking hands and opened the flap, pulling it out and reading it. Then he did something that made me do a double-take.

The faintest, slightest, most invisible smirk contorted his features, and it _actually _stayed there. "Ah, so Tsunana wants to know if we should invade the Sound, hm?"

This time, I couldn't hold back a small giggle.

_"Tsunana?" _I asked doubtfully.

"Tsunade, in my opinion, is an old lady. So, Tsunana is what she would be called as a grandma."

I busted up laughing right then, clutching my stomach. "_Dude, _when she finds out that you call her _Tsunana, _you are so dead! No one can even believe Naruto made it, calling her Tsunade-baa-chan!"

Gaara shrugged, becoming his stoic image again. "So?"

I sighed, and wiped a tear from my eye. "Ahh, that's your problem, not mine."

We stood in an awkward silence, and I was thinking about becoming the Human Turtle again when Gaara spoke up.

"Uh, I think it's time for me to..." He trailed off, waiting for me to respond. I turned my head up from the ground, staring at him.

"Oh yeah, do your 'duty'. It was my pleasure delivering the message, Kazekage-sama," I said politely, rubbing my arm. The heat was really getting to me, and I had a whole desert to cross to get back home. Heat was _so _not my element.

He paused for a moment. "Doesn't your name mean turtle?"

Ok, that was really random. And how did he even know my name? "Actually, turtle child. But why?"

"Well, I was just thinking, do turtles like heat?"

Now _that _was embarrassing. Not to mention insanely random. "Um, I'm not actually a turtle--"

"Do turtles like heat?" he repeated coldly, and I looked down.

"I-I don't know, b-b-but I don't like h-heat," I stuttered, wanting to crawl under the sand and die right then. I could still feel his cold stare on my head, so I shook my head so that my hair was covering my face.

"Hn," was all he said, and he grabbed my arm firmly. My head snapped up, and I stared at his hand on my arm. The color was exactly matching, and surprisingly, his tight grip didn't hurt. I found myself staring in wonder at his hand the entire way to wherever we were going.

I must've zoned out or something, because Gaara was tapping my head repeatedly. "Kameko...Kameko, come on."

I glanced up. "Huh?"

We were at his office building. What, was I being taken hostage?

"Doesn't Tsunana need my opinion?" he asked, raising a hairless eyebrow. I had seriously forgotten about the note Tsunade gave to Gaara at that point.

"Say wha?" I asked, clueless about the whole situation. Gaara shook his head.

"The letter?"

"Oh." He shook his head again and I followed him up the stairs, and waited quietly outside of his door. Whenever Kankuro walked by, he smirked at me and touched my arm, which irritated me. I didn't really liked to be touched, even by the people I trusted the most.

I guess that's how Kankuro ended up tied to the top of the building by his underwear, and the cherry on top was when I stamped "Pwned" on his forehead and left him hanging. It was really funny, and a lot of little kids were asking their parents what "Pwned" meant.

So naive. But, sadly, that couldn't be helped at all, right?

I smirked at my wonderful handiwork and laughed it out some more with Temari, who loved seeing her puppet-using brother in any state of utter embarrassment or pain, but I couldn't say the same for Gaara at _all._

I didn't know what the Kazekage was doing in his office, but I was there for over two hours before I finally barged in impatiently, ignoring the glares of Kankuro from the window.

"Gaara-sama?! Does it _honestly _take that long to write a simple letter to Tsunade?" I asked, exasperated and waving my hands in the air. He looked up from his paper and shrugged.

"I've been done with the letter for some time now. You just never came in to get it," he said nonchalantly, and I sweatdropped. So he had me sitting outside, growing hot and impatient, and he was done with the stupid letter for _some time now?!_

_Gah, he's lucky he's the Kazekage, or else he'd end up like Kankuro, _I thought bitterly and snatched the envelope out of his hands, sticking my tongue out at him. Gaara wasn't phased.

"Thanks so much, now I get to travel in that godforsaken desert at nighttime, while I'm running out of food and water, and I'm _fucking tired," _I growled angrily, and that stupid invisible smirk played along his face.

"Have fun. Watch out for the Akatsuki, though. There's an alert going around about--" The redhead never got to finish his sentence because Temari rushed in, and there was sand all over her.

"Gaara! There's a sandstorm coming!" she cried and I winced. How the bleep was I supposed to trek through a friggin' _sandstorm?!_

"Ok, now I really have to get going, before I get trapped in here with you people," I said and headed towards the door. "No offense, though."

Temari stole my sweatdrop and sighed wearily. "Did you not just hear what I said?"

"Sure I did. Sandstorm coming, gotta go. What's the big deal? I can probably make it out far enough so that the sandstorm won't kill me," I sighed and readjusted my black and blue backpack. I heard the metallic sound of...well, metal clinking together. Duh, some extra kunai and shuriken. One can never have too many weapons.

And get this, both Temari AND Gaara stared at me in a weird way.

"Don't you know how dangerous Suna sandstorms are? Anyone outside in the next five minutes, anywhere in the desert, is basically roadkill," Temari explained slowly, as if I was a two-year old trying to use the potty. WHICH I most certainly was _not._

I gave them a confused look. "Uh, how come no one ever told me about this?"

"How the heck should _I _know?" Temari inquired and I shrugged.

"I dunno, it seems like you Sand nin know everything." Brother and sister just sighed, exasperated with my thick-headedness. I probably sounded a lot like Naruto right then.

"Well, you're stuck here until it blows over." Now that was something I really didn't want to hear.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" I screamed and clutched my head. "I'll go INSANE!!"

"As if you already weren't," Gaara muttered under his breath, meant for me not to hear. I glared menacingly at him.

"What was that, Gaara-kun?" I said sweetly, the intent to kill quite evident in my tone still.

"U-Uh, nothing..." he mumbled and twiddled his fingers nervously. Wait, the apparently always emo-ish Kazekage was _nervous?! _How messed up was _that?_

"Whatever," I sighed and plopped down on the floor, deciding to take a look at the mysterious book Kakashi had tried to sneak into my bag without me knowing. What was so bad about it that he had to sneak around, humming the Mission Impossible theme under his breath while doing so?

Well, I found out when I glanced at the cover doubtfully.

The Make-Out series?

Naruto-kun had said that the series was really targeted towards pervs like Jiriya, but I honestly didn't see how it was bad. I mean, I'd never read any of the books, but the cover didn't look so bad.

_Then again, never judge a book by its cover, _I thought dejectedly, cracking open the new spine.

Turns out, my opinion was right.

Five minutes later, I screamed in horror and with all the chakra in my body, I hurled the evil book through the wall, and it made a hole big enough for Temari, Gaara, _and _me to fit in all at once.

Gaara and Temari turned to me, curious.

"What'd the book do to you?" Gaara asked inquiringly, and I shuddered violently, remembering the..._graphic _images on the very first page.

"Trust Kameko, you really, really, _really _don't want to find out," I said shakily and curled up into a fetal position, mumbling about how badly I was going to kill Kakashi for slipping that..crime to trees around the world in my backpack.

Temari raised an eyebrow but said nothing, and then I suddenly remembered a certain Sand ninja hanging outside in nothing but his underwear from a pole. In a Suna sandstorm.

"Hey, what happened to Kankuro?" I said boredly, already [temporarily] forgetting the incident with the Make-Out series. Gaara shrugged, his mood similar to mine.

"Don't know." Then he snickered darkly, and I glanced up at him. "Though the bastard deserves it for interrupting my meditation yesterday."

I wiggled a finger at the redhead, shaking my head in a motherly way while grinning at the same time. "Now now, Gaara. It's not nice to wish death upon a family member, you know that."

He stared at me, bored.

"Unless it's Kankuro, of course. By all means, send him to hell as many times as you want," I finished and we all sniggered evilly together, imagining Kankuro's terror at being caught in a sandstorm. Well, it was his punishment for interrupting Gaara-sama and touching me.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

At around ten, the sandstorm was stronger than ever. Temari and I decided to tell scary stories to Gaara, to try and make him show a bit of fear. Surprisingly, mine got to him.

"Ok, here's a story my big sister told me when I was little," I said and paused for dramatic effect."On an isolated road, around midnight, in northern Konoha, a man and his girlfriend are running through the forest. Suddenly an old-fashioned carriage approaches them from behind. 'Stop running!' a man in the carriage says. The boyfriend shrugs and stopped on a dangerously flimsy branch. He walks over to the carriage. 'What is it, babe?' the girlfriend asks, but she gets no answer. Why was there a carriage in the middle of the forest? She shrugged and continued to browse through the different radio stations on her wireless headphones, jumping down to the ground. Then she heard a crash. 'Babe?' she said hesitantly and dropped her headphones. She ran back up the tree and saw her boyfriend's head bouncing back and forth on the door handle of the carriage. Screaming, she goes to get her cell phone out of her pocket. As soon as she dials the first number, she hears, 'No use. . . No one will answer you.'"

Temari was shaking on the floor, her eyes wide as headlights with horror. Gaara's eyes were bugged out of his skull, and I clamped my hand over my mouth to hide my giggle. I _actually_ found that cute!

"K-Kameko...is t-that a true s-s-story?" Temari whispered, tugging at her blonde ponytails. I grinned evilly.

"Actually, Temari, that happened to my sister's friend." And I leaned in closer. "But the night she told my sister the story, she vanished from her bed when she was sleeping, blood stains splattered randomly around her room."

That was it for Temari. She screamed and clenched her eyes shut, and I bursted out laughing, clutching Gaara's arm subconsciously for support.

"Gosh Temari! You need to see the look on your face!" I managed to splutter out in between uncontrollable fits of laughter. I took out my make-up mirror that was seldom used and shoved it in her face, and even she started busting up.

"Oh em gee, I really DID need to see my face!" she laughed, holding her stomach. And to my utter astonishment, Gaara chuckled along with us. I stopped laughing at stared at him, bewildered.

"Did you just...laugh?" I said quietly to Gaara, still not realizing my grip on his arm. He raised his eyebrow.

"No, I'm crying beyond belief right now," he said sarcastically and that had me giggling all over again, poking his cheek. He laughed again.

"Sarcasm isn't polite, Gaara-kun," I mock warned, poking his cheek again. He shrugged lightly, still snickering.

"Polite my ass," he retorted and that pushed me over the limit. I laughed harder than I had ever laughed in my entire life, and by that point, I was rolling around and tears were slowly cascading down my face, a steady and calm, clear waterfall. I was giggling so hard, I could barely breathe. I held my aching stomach tightly, not able to regain control of my self. Jeez, if this kept up, I was going to die of laughter in Suna. Not the best way to go, if you want my honest opinion.

We all sat around laughing our asses off until we literally laughed ourselves to sleep. I was dozing on and off, barely aware of what was going on around me(which wasn't much) and something warm was cuddled up next to me.

The last thing I heard before I succumbed to the overbearing weight of sleep was a girl muttering something to herself. What was her name again? Temali? Temori? Tamiko?

"They look like a perfect couple, you have to admit it, Peach."

* * *

**(My POV)**

Being the sneaky author I am, I crept silently into the room of the redheaded Kazekage's office, and I poked Temari's cheek. She groaned in her sleep and mumbled, "Shika..."

I sniggered quietly to myself. I knew she was crazy in love for the lazy shinobi in Konohagakure. But that was beside the point. I sighed and took out a kunai and stabbed her side, and she jumped up.

"Shit!" she murmured and touched her now bleeding side, then glared up at me. "What the hell do you want, Peach?! I was having a wonderful dream about--"

I giggled and she blushed heavily, turning away from me. "Nevermind. Anyways, what do you want?"

"C'mon, I need to you be awake so I can tell you the plan to get Gaara and Kameko together." I kneeled down and snapped my fingers, and her wound was gone. "Now..."

As I whispered my evil mastermind plan to the blonde, her maniacal grin grew bigger than Saturn.

"Ingenious..." she muttered absentmindedly and we both cackled with evil witch hoisted Gaara up and carried him over to Kameko, and then laid him on her. Right on her chest, too. Then we glanced at the sleeping pair. They fit together like the pieces of some crackpot puzzle, and Temari smiled softly.

"They look like a perfect couple, you have to admit it, Peach," she said quietly and I nodded in agreement.

"Now remember not to tell them, you hear?" I muttered and she nodded vehemently, and I snapped my fingers again. Temari conked out quicker than you could say, "Uh-oh."

* * *

**(Kameko's POV {again})**

I groaned as light filtered through my eyelids, and I squeezed tighter to whatever I was holding onto. Wait, what _was _I holding onto?

I glanced down warily and stifled a shocked gasp as I realized the Kazekage was buried far more deeper than I would've liked into my chest. Immediately, my face heated up like the fastest cup of instant ramen you could find. I knew that if I tried to pry him off, he would probably wake up and then I would be in some _serious _doo-doo.

So, being the sensible person I am (kinda), I rested my head back on a pillow which had been placed under my head sometime when I was asleep. Temari most likely was the culprit, but I wasn't complaining.

Anywho, I was staring at the ceiling with Gaara nestled in my chest, and Temari snoring ever so slightly across the room. She looked completely out of it, so I didn't wake her up so that I could yell at her then. I would accomplish that later, when Gaara was somewhere (hopefully) far away, and I could think a bit more clearly.

I couldn't help but think that maybe it wasn't so bad, sleeping with Gaara (no, not like that you pervs, xD) and watching him slumber. He looked serene, tranquil, as if he were having the most wonderful of dreams. Well, good for him. Cause when he would wake up, it would probably turn into a twisted nightmare.

I started fretting about what Gaara would think about me; would he think I was some kind of slut or something? I had been called that by my old village _way _too many times to even begin to think about joking. I glanced down at the redhead, and couldn't help but let a small smile slide smoothly (say that four times fast) across my face. No, I knew Gaara well already, and he wouldn't do that to me. He was too...caring.

Temari's snores stopped and she sat up slowly, stretching. Her limbs were creaking and cracking like an old staircase, and she let out a huge yawn. Then she averted her attention towards me/us.

Her eyes widened and her mouth literally made a loud _pop _and she put her hands over her mouth. I knew very well that my face turned fourteen different shades of red until finally stopping on blushing candy apple.

"K-Kameko..." she gasped, shocked beyond belief. "W-What...how..."

I managed a nonchalant shrug. "I woke up like this. Care to explain?"

I was surprised she didn't give me a death glare times five-hundred; she must've thought I raped her baby brother or something.

"I...I...How could you, Kameko?" she whispered so quietly that I had to strain my ears. Yep, she thought I raped him.

"Truth be told, I don't actually think anything too..._explicit _happened between us last night," I said softly, trying to get her to understand that I would never rape Gaara...not even if it cost me my life. It was crystal-clear to me now; Gaara was my friend for life, my BFFL.

All of a sudden, though she tried to hide it, a small smirk appeared on Temari's face, but she quickly got rid of it. I raised an eyebrow but was silent.

"Or sure, nothing explicit happened," she snorted, rolling her eyes. I squinted mine at her. Something was off about her attitude; from what I'd learned from all of the people working here, Temari didn't resort to sarcasm when she was mad.

"What's up with you?" I commented. "You don't seem right."

Weirdly, a gleam came into her eyes. "Of course I don't seem right! Did you rape my baby brother?!"

"Why would I do _that_? Gaara's, like, my best friend. And besides, he's the Kazekage. I would basically be committing suicide if I even _slapped _Gaara," I said honestly, glancing down once again at the redhead. He was starting to squirm, which wasn't a very good sign. "Now if you will oh-so-kindly excuse me, I have to get this boy off of me before he--"

"...Kam...eko?" a groggy voice asked slowly, and I stopped breathing, right then and there.

He.

Was.

_Awake._

I was mentally cussing myself out for being a girl, and then the situation got even worse, if you can believe that. Kankuro walked in, and _man _did he look _pissed. _The puppet master glared at me evilly, and I looked down, which I found myself face-to-face with a shocked Kazekage.

I sighed wearily and made a hand sign, and I was instantly outside. Everyone in Suna was getting ready for their varying days, and little children were heading off to school. Hopefully no one recognized me, because if they did, I was really dead.

I smiled bitterly knowing I still had my backpack with me, and I fled the village quickly, not bothering to check if Temari, Kankuro, or Gaara was following me.

I made the gates in record time, and I was just stepping out into the desert when a firm hand clamped around my wrist. _Oh, come on,_ I thought, exasperated, _can't I get a little break?!_

I swallowed and starting acting a tad bit innocent, not turning around, because I knew who it was.

"Temari, you don't have to murder me in a dark alley. I'm not staying--" The same person placed their hand over my mouth.

"And I'm not Temari," a male voice whispered in my ear, and it sent a cold shiver down my already shaking spine. Wait, no boy could _ever _whisper in my ear and give me the shivers.

And then I remembered a certain stoic redhead that I was aiming to avoid, and I swiveled around quickly. _Shitdogs, _I cursed mentally.

"Gaara-kun, pleeeeeeeease don't kill me. I don't even remember...you know. _Please _don't end my life today, I'm sorry!" I pleaded and then showed a baffled look when the redhead just smirked. "What?"

"You look cute when you're scared," Gaara said and shrugged, smirking again. I felt my face betraying me and it heat up instantly. He thought I looked _cute _when I was scared?! Now THAT was some MAJOR bull.

"U-Uh...a bit random, but...thanks?" I said hesitantly and Gaara looked thoughtful for a minute.

"Why not stay?" he suddenly asked and I snorted in disbelief.

"Oh please. Temari will personally murder me when I walk in that building. I value my life very much, you know," I said cockily and stared up at Gaara. Again, a smirk was covering his lips.

"She won't hurt you." The Kazekage leaned down and pressed his lips to mine all of a sudden, and I jolted in shock. _The eff?!_ Gaara was....KISSING me?!

"Not while I'm around," he murmured into the kiss and created an odd vibration on my mouth that gave me goosebumps and made my heart do overtime pumping. Of course, he pulled away and smirked at me, and I blushed, looking down at the ground. I so did NOT need to see him right then; my teenage hormones would take over my mind-and more importantly, my body.

"Meh...I-I-I guess I'll s-stay..." I muttered and rubbed my arm. Then I thought of an excuse. "A-Actually, I still need that letter for Tsunade. She'll--"

"Tsunana," Gaara corrected and I couldn't help but laugh quietly.

"_Tsunana _will be looking for me, after all," I lied. I knew the female Hokage wasn't expecting me back until next month, because she had also heard about the Akatsuki alert, and asked me to stay in Suna until it was over.

Gaara rolled his eyes. "I know Tsunana doesn't want you back until the Akatsuki alert is over. Do you think I'm stupid or something?"

"Nah, but it was worth a shot," I said and shrugged. Awweh, I was stuck in Suna. Then Gaara pulled me into his arms and kissed me once more.

"But," he said breathlessly, pulling away, "at least you have entertainment."

I smiled, knowing the redhead was right. "Congrats."

* * *

**Me: THE END! This is one of my longer one-shots, I guess. By the way, Kameko DOES mean turtle child, in case you're wondering about that. But I guess she's not the Human Turtle anymore, huh?**

**Kameko: You're just lucky Gaara and I got together, Peach.**

**Me (snorts): And what if you didn't? I run this story, you know. C'mon, try to tackle me.**

**(Kameko tries to tackle Peach and ends up gagged, tied, and blindfolded)**

**Kameko: MMF MMM MBB!??!**

**Me: Serves you right.**

**Kankuro: REVIEW!!! Pwease?**

**-Peachuz**


End file.
